EVA GRATEFUL!!

Without disrespecting anyone who gets pleasure from working in a cafeteria or washing cars, or being a bank teller.  I am just so glad I don't do something everyday that appears to be mundane.  Again i'm sure someone gets a buzz out of counting cash really fast or dishing food into a plate, but I can't say I do.  And if for any reason something happens to me, I hope someone had read my blogs to see that I was forever and repeatedly grateful for everything God has given me.

So I already have a degree then get to go get another one, and I excelled in the 1st and am now excelling in the 2nd.  There is only one thing you can do when that happens, and it's give thanks.  Thanks to whoever you want to...Jesus, Jah, The creator.  Whoever he, she or it is...Jus give tanks!!

Something must be going on with me this month, because I've written 4 blogs in one month after not writing any for over 3 months, or maybe even longer.  I must be getting older or just more grateful.  

So whenever you are happy in your job and you have 1 bad day, just remember someone is doing a mundane job everyday and wishes they could jump off a really high building, because it may be more fun than making sandwiches.  Not everyone gets the opportunity to follow a passions, if you get it, chase it like it's running faster than Usain Bolt, and if you want something, it doesn't hurt to make a try at it.  One less regret in life!  Do what you gotta do and be grateful.  Bless!!

iPhone Crazy

So this blog was of course inspired by the iPhone.  Anyone who knows me knows I like cool stuff, and i really do like cutting edge technology.  The problem is where do you draw the line.  It's like  that one thing you want really bad but know you shouldn't get it BUT you know if you get it you'll be so much happier.  Maybe for ladies a pair of shoes...I'm sure when you buy it you say "What the hell did I just do", but when you're wearing it, and someone says "Nice shoes", you feel like it was worth it.

Well here is my iPhone dilemma.  It kinda is almost within my means, but just ALMOST.  The problem is that I just can't stop fantasizing about it.  I want to get it out of my head, but then that glimmering Boylston Street store sucks me in and i go in and play with it.  Advertising is a bitch, because it's really screwing with my mind.  The worse part is that everyone who buys one is like a walking add, and then they make me want it more.  Maybe I should only talk to people who don't own iPhones.  That may be a start.  Then we can find a way to get rid of the Apple store (I was gonna say the B word but I may have American persons who read this and report me to the CIA.  In my home country we can say the B word without men the size of quarterbacks running out of nowhere to sack you to the floor).  The B thing is just a joke i swear.  The point is I need i-Therapy, and unfortunately this will only come in the form of buying an iPhone, or removing it from my mind's eye.

I mean this clearly is now an obsession since it has reached blog phase.  I only blog when something is on my mind.  Damn i just saw someone else playing with one. Arrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggh.  Am i being drawn into this materialistic world...nah.  I woulda wanted an iPhone wherever the hell I was.  So i guess it's time to look into doing some extra hours at work to find a way to pay that extra money on ma phone bill.  We'll see.  I'll keep you posted on the iPhone situation.  This is way too funny.  I shoulda created that "Contribute $2 to Mario's iPhone Group" before my birthday.  Now I may have to wait till Xmas.  But dats just so damn ghetto, but clearly i'm desperate right.  Peace.

Saturday Night

A born socialite some people would say I am, but sometimes I see myself as a 'social loner'.  What a contradiction to believe that people really are necessary for your existence, but at the same time really enjoy being by yourself.

I grow extremely introspective after nights out in this weird little college city.  Just really  makes me miss home more than anything.  To get along with people and to feel like you truly belong somewhere are 2 vastly different things.  Looking on the world up to 10 years ahead of a lot of the people in the same room as you also puts a crap load of perspective on things.  You realise you have no answer to questions like "Why aren't you dancing?", or "I'm surprised a Christian guy like you would be seen at a shindig like this".  If only these kids knew I've danced against that wall already, and gotten tipsy and danced till i felt stupid, and danced with all the girls in the room.  

I guess for some that routine never gets tired.  And for some it's their first time, they're new to this.  For me i've been there and done it longer than I think i needed.  Now i only need it occasionally.  Plus when it's done here it's not like home and not ever really close to as good as at home.  I always had trouble putting my heart into things I didn't believe in.  If i can't feel it genuinely then i can't really put any genuine emotion into it.

Maybe this blog contradicts that I'm a loner as I choose to publicly ramble early in the morning about myself.  At the core of this I just miss what is familiar to me, and when that is missing from your daily routine for a while, you find that you are never really sure about what is real anymore.  I know home is real and those people in that life are real.  In this life here I'm not really sure what's real.  

All just kinda weird to me.  Is it just me feeling this way?  Then everything starts to annoy me...especially the carelessly drunk people.  The people making out on the dancefloor annoy me.  The people who always think i'm nice 100% of the time...you annoy me too.  

I again yearn for hot weather, familiar accents and food, and people I know I can trust and depend on all the time.  I already know there is no life on this land for me, because my love for another is way too strong for me to exist here.  And yet still people don't know where I'm from, but the truth is I don't really care anymore if they know.  What's more important is that I'm fully aware of who I am and that's all that matters.

This is my blog so I don't even care to apologize for my unfocused writing, but I may regret opening such a large window into my personality, or maybe I won't.  Yo just have a good night.  Like clockwork I should be fine by morning.

NOT FROM HERE

How do you explain "Out of Many One People"

The unusual tug-of-war between pleasance and aggression

Uptown versus downtown

Browning versus Blacknin'

Patios versus Standard English

How can I explain why...

I miss this damn place so much

Yet it seems so imperfect

Has anyone been so in love with an imperfection

Maybe obsessed, but not in love

This imperfection is one of my favourites

Perfecting it may make it better

But sometimes I like it just for what it is

Somewhat raw and at times unsophisticated,

Yet warm and genuine

That is exactly what gives it's character

It always reminds me that I have never wanted to be from here

Well I lie. I did when I was in my imperfect world as a child and thought

Wow, this place of Mattel toys and fast food must be the best place ever,

But now that I am living here in 4-monthly spurts

All i can say is that it's full of as much shit as anywhere else

And my jerk chicken, ackee and saltfish, dance a road every weeknight and terrible customers service really has more to desire than I had thought

I now relish my culture.

I obsess over it

I'm proud of it

Almost willing to die for it

Mi love it cyaan dun

Why would anyone want anything else

I'm really happy I'm not from here!

TOO...

2:23am

Too young to look old

But too old to care

About that drunk girl who just passed me on the street

Blouse strap dangling mid-arm

Too weak to pull it up

Too disoriented to care about being a target

Smart enough to notice

But too ambivalent to care

About that asshole that just called me an asshole

If only he knew anything about me

Or where I'm from

Or about how rude he just was

"Such a nice person"

But yet so insensitive and selfish

To realize that I just hurt the feelings

Of someone who cares about me 

More than I could ever imagine

Still present

But yet so distant

That I don't even care about

Where I am, who I'm with, 

Or how I'm going to get to where I'm going next

To be detached sometimes can feel so sweet

But so lonely

It's only cool to be alone when you've forgotten what it is like

Then you yearn for companionship once you're lonely again

Too distracted right now to shout

At that loud girl in the alley

If only she realized it was almost 3am

But maybe her blouse strap is mid-arm

And maybe she is too selfish to realize she's hurting my feelings

Too artistic to alter this expression

To fit the needs of others

Too young to look old

But too old to care  about what people think

About me or my behaviour

Always aware of great friends

And great things when they come by

And family, the rock of support

Well in my life

Love, laughter, life, defeat, rejection

Always a Jamaican

Black, Green and Gold

To di werl we go

Without boundaries

But with an appreciation of life

Tarnished with hardships

Tailored made for each and every one of us

Too hungry to care about my diet

Too happy to have a bed to sleep on 

And food to eat

And so happy I got to write this

Now i'm too young to look old

But too old to care about NOT being out on a Saturday night

Now it's time for bed

After running that crazy maze through my head

JUST BECAUSE

October 1

I figured it has been since around forever, and the purpose of this thing is self-expression right?  Or at the least keeping people informed about life over here.  I think Facebook took over the world and people stopped talking on the phone and going out, and writing blogs.

Well here I am once again.  I missed you guys and gals, whoever the hell you are that reads this crap.  I'm home on a Thursday morning with a sore throat.  I should be doing work or sleeping, but I'm doing neither.  It is funny how your concept of productivity can be shattered so easily by idle distractions...God bless 'the focused' cuz they are few and far between. 

As I randomly babble, I just want you to know that I'm alive and well, and look out for some more serious blogging again soon.  I have so much to be grateful for.  I figure I may at least leave a legacy in blogs.  Someone may find em and use them one day if I ever become important...and hopefully not against me.  It's all good though, there is nothing here I wouldn't tell you to your face, or tell Oprah for that matter!  LOL.

It's late and I'm tired.  Have a great night.  Pray i get better soon, and God is an awesome God.  The things he does is unspeakable, and that is all I have to say to that.  Thank you Lord for everything!  Nite!