Life is a funny lickle ting. It always surprised me sometimes that the most stable-appearing of persons are just the ones that commit suicide. Don't worry, this is no suicide note. It is just a reflection on the contours of life. The happy days versus the sad days, and why they happen. Truth is I don't know why they happen, I only presume it is to make us stronger individuals, but what if you're just not strong enough.
I just witnessed this on Making Da Band 4. May seem lame that I watch that show, but it is really entertaining for me, probably because of my involvement in entertainment. The group almost self-destructed because of one member who at the time wasn't strong enough. he was at a point in his journey where he couldn't justify things anymore. He had no grounding. No support. Well he felt he had no support. That was probably the most important point at the end of the day, was that he perceived that there was no one listening, and that no one understood or really even cared.
I'm really in one of those slumps right now. I am probably one of the happiest persons around according to many, but right now I'm in physical pain, emotional pain, and maybe even other types of pain. Definitely nothing I would want to share with an online audience because there are lines we don't cross online. The only difference is that I think I am strong enough. Right now not as strong as I usually am, but I have faith. And when everything else around you breaks down, God never fails. I've never been uber-religious, but I do believe in a higher power, and I allow it to guide me. In Making Da band when they resolved their differences, they prayed, and then I remembered where to seek my refuge. I also remembered that there are millions worse off than me.
Right now, my physical pain seems to be resolving, but my emotions are healing again. I think I'm just tired of an unfamiliar environment. I'm tired of being misunderstood. And it's hard to be misunderstood and not have a voice to defend or explain yourself. I don' t even think I need to explain anything to anyone quite frankly, which makes this journey that much more difficult.
I'm sorry I took so much of your time on this pointless rant. But blogging for me is therapeutic. It gives insight that sometimes you can't even put into words. All I know is that I am really yearning to be with those that provide the right type of stability for me, and I need them ASAP.
Blessed love, and I will try and be strong until next time!
