There are times when I find my scale to be tipped out of balance, and there is nothing anyone can do to shift it. As you grow older you learn more about yourself, almost like you weren't in your own body all your life. Sometimes I feel like different people, even though I swear I'm not bipolar or schizophrenic. I don't hear voices or people telling me to do things...apart from my mother, but that's normal I think.
This blog really has no point, apart from the fact that I was just at a party, and under most circumstances I would be loud, tipsy and dancing mad hard, but it was one of my grouch days. Yup, it was that side of me that uses my phone instead of talking to people; Doesn't make eye contact with people because I don't really feel like talking and I guess I subconsciously want them to know; Thinks about going back home to bed...He is not a fun person. He basically doesn't care...about anything, and is basically a rock, a big heavy ass rock that no one can move. Emotionless. Unaffectionate. Serious. Practical.
I think the diagnosis may be that my scale is unbalanced. The only way to fix it is for me to find balance on my own, and that sometimes takes a few days to come to near balance, and full balance clearly will take a lifetime if I'm even successful. It moves me to think if other people are in the same head space any at all, or if I'm just the social-anti-social dude that I choose to be in these moments. I think I will not go out if I ever feel this way, because I then start to think my energy is visible and that people think I'm socially awkward, which is not the case.
So I basically wanted to say that I hope I'm not the only one who can be in a public place but feel alone. It is not new to me, but sometimes it really consumes me. I clearly have a lot on my mind right now. That said thanks again for reading and getting into this crazy head.
